Why can’t we as humans relax? And why are some people too comfortable with relaxation?

I’ve always struggled with peace. Always creating new things for myself to do. When one task is complete, I’m searching for the next project to occupy my time. Growing up, I liked being busy. In fact, I needed to be busy. Being occupied meant that I wouldn’t have to face the reality I was forced to cope with. Silence equals reflection and I can never seem to find the peace. Relaxation turns into this uncomfortable feeling where I feel like I’m missing something. Like there’s something else I need to be doing.

How do you master the art of relaxation? How does one find the time for peace without punishment?

Everyone says, “enjoy your day off!” But how do you say that to a person who doesn’t know how? Perhaps myself and most people struggle to relax because there’s still so much work we have left to do in our personal journeys. Taking a day off feels like we’re quitting and not taking a day off is slowly burning us out. I often talk to my therapist about enjoying the process. More specifically, how to.

How can we enjoy the moment we’re in while working towards the moments we want?

I obviously don’t have the answer, but I can try to speculate. 

I believe this comes with gratitude for all you’ve done to get to this point in life. A self reflection on the trials you’ve been through and mistakes made along the way. Gratitude for the ability to be where you’re at. To be able to say that your greatest problem in life right now is that you wish you could achieve your goals faster. I mean how beautiful is that? To want something greater for yourself so badly that it consumes you. That you’re giving everything you can towards this life you want for yourself. Just waiting for the day you realize it’s no longer a figment of your imagination.

There’s nothing wrong with giving all your efforts towards a goal. It’s only wrong when you let it gnaw away so that it becomes so built up in your thoughts you forget to live your life. 

The hours you spend pouring into yourself are so healthy when they’re positive. When they’re realistic, challenging, and respectful. Spending every waking moment working towards one thing is not realistic. We need to break it up. And we do that by finding something else.

Humans are built with a goal mindset

Whether that’s a career goal, health goal, extra curricular goal, we all want to achieve something. And when we’re not achieving that thing, we’re working on something else. We stay preoccupied so that we stay sharp. I’ve noticed that there’s a difference between staying involved and living. To stay busy on your current tasks at hand is to fill your time with small goals you can feel a sense of achievement for in the moment. Attending a yoga class, going to the gym, picking up an extra shift at a job you’d rather not be in. You do these things because they take up space. It’s what you should be doing, right? To live is to do these things because you want to experience the way your body folds across your mat, your racing heart with an added rep, or the new people you can connect with. To live is to pay attention to the moments we occupy our time with, not just the time itself. It’s okay to be busy, but not if it stops us from opening our eyes and taking in our life.

I’m at fault for this. As the evening creeps through my window, I wonder how it arrived as quickly as it had left. I go through the motions without feeling them. Placing one foot in front of the other without knowing what direction I’m heading that day. I think this autopilot has ruined our humanity. This is why so many people take travel breaks. They want to experience the joys of life again. Longing for the moment they can welcome the evening with a smile, knowing that each breath was associated with a feeling. 

However, when you’re working towards something, you don’t always get the luxury to take time away from the bubble you’ve created. You’re left finding these moments in your present reality and enjoying where you are in life because you’re never going to be there again.

This was explained to me through the analogy of hiking a mountain. 

The mountain called life

Hiking is challenging. Each step in tricky terrain leaves you continuously breathless, constantly trying to catch up. But we enjoy it. Sure, we complain along the way, curse at the next switchback, but we ultimately find peace in the journey.

Why is this? Because we take breaks. We take a moment to pause, replenish our bodies, and stare at the landscape around us. Never fixating on how far away the top is or calculating how many steps we have left to take. We look behind us and appreciate how much progress we’ve made. Thinking about how easy it will be to hike back now that we’re enduring the hardest part now. We look in the distance and admire what the world is showing to us and reflect on just how little our problems seem when put into perspective. We find ourselves excited to reach the top because if the view is already so breathtaking from down here, imagine how grand it will be once we get there. 

When I’m hiking an incline, I’m exhausted. I’m staring at the ground, focusing on my footing, breathing, and just simply trying to survive. It’s not until I stop and take a break that my vision focuses. I notice how green the trees are, how nice the breeze feels against my skin in the hot afternoon, and all the new smells that I never noticed before. I simply live. Right there. In that moment. This is what we need to search for in life. The peak of relaxation amidst working towards a goal. To enjoy the view from where we stand, appreciate where we came from, and find excitement for what’s to come. To be open to the knowledge that you will have a wonderful view at the top of your hike because look at how beautiful it already is. 

Lasting thoughts

Life is the hardest hike you’ll ever go on, but it’s harder to fight the inclines if you don’t take breaks. You can’t fixate on the simple act of surviving because you’ll miss out on all there is to see around you. You shouldn’t fill your time to get there faster, you should fill it with things that will bring you closer to the human experience. Cushion your long term goals with ones that simply bring existence. End each day with gratitude and overwhelming positivity for your journey. Because if you’re the only person doubting yourself then you need to be the person who praises yourself the loudest.